I hate all girls vehemently.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
