I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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