We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
