Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
