Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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