how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
