i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
