I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
