my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
