K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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