oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
