That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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