and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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