Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
