I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
