You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
