I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
