The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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