I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
