Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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