So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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