McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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