You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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