also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
