well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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