Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
