No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
