the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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