At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
