i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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