At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
