Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
