im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
