I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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