I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
