Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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