Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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