Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
