apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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