im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
