weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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