im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
