it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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