I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
