Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
