Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
