Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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