Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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