So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
