So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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