you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
