i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
