I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
