how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
