pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
