in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
false alarm, still single
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
