thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Green mimosas i think yes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
