I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
