omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
