did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this boner is exhausting
im holly from the hills drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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