Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
