You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
