Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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